21 • it/they/any • AuDHD • aroace • queer• 
I'm realizing I might be a DID system and some childhood memories have been resurfacing through alters, this was one that happened to take the form of Chilchuck from Dungeon Meshi kinda but also a version of my child self while having a vague memory of being a small overstimulated autistic child in the summer heat. I think I know this alter's name but I want to keep it anonymous for privacy and safety reasons. it took me several months to finally be able to be vulnerable enough with anyone else to let them know what I was experiencing, and it's all very confusing and fuzzy in areas, but I'm trying to be more present and make sure I keep notes and write things down when an alter fronts.
but in retrospect even before I figured out I was a system, it makes a lot of sense why I've chosen multiple names for myself and sometimes one feels more right than the other, because my identity has actually fractured itself into different personas in my mind due to my c-PTSD
there is tons of art I've never even posted and will probably never see the light of day of different "versions" of myself I've drawn over the past few years that I thought was just me exploring my genderfluidity, and while gender is definitely a part of it, a lot of them also hold a lot of pain and trauma, or just random memories I wasn't able to "hold", and doing more research into the topic has opened my eyes to what I might have been experiencing.
I don't really know if it's normal for systems to post their alters like this but I liked how this piece turned out
art has always been a way for me to process my life and is usually a subconscious reflection of what I'm going through, so i can't really separate the two. my art is me. and I am the art. 
May 29, 2026#art
#digitalart
#didsystem
#alter
#mental
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