@klamv_art's post on Artfol
β’ π³ππππππ ππππππ β πππ || π·ππ β’Vent time about friendships :) (really long lol)
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I've been thinking about this friendship I have for some time now and I really don't know how to feel about it. To give you some context I've been best friends with this girl since we were 3 y/o and since then her and I have been inseparable, we were always together, made group projects together because we were in the same class.
But about two years ago, when we started Bach, a lot of things started to change which tbh I expected because we were in the middle of the pandemic so we had to go to class in different days and we weren't in the same class any more because we took different paths. The problem started when she completely changed the way she was towards me and my other friend which was pretty shocking because while she seemed to completely forgot about us (my friend and I) she was being super good friends with other people she met that year and acting really different. And again, this wouldn't have been a problem for me cus obviously your are going to try to make new friends, mostly if you're someone who doesn't have that many friends (which is both of our cases) but what I feel is a problem is when you forget about your other friendships you have since always to try to fit in with other people and giving no shit about the rest of the world.
The thing is a really believe she doesn't understand how her actions and things she has said have affected me although I called her out on this behavior in the past (not only me but our other friend did it to) and explained to her how I was feeling after some of the things she did, thoughout all our conversation the only thing she did was saying how sorry she was and how she understands me but trying to excuse herself saying how I should also understand her because she just wanted to be friends with the people from her class and all of that.
Until that moment I was really hurt tbh because she was my closest friend and I wasn't really confortable in my class because it takes me a lot of time to be friends with people, but right now I just feel really indiferent and sometimes angry mostly since she told me how I was really pesimist and she didn't like to be every recess around someone who only says negative things because it makes her feel bad (the only negative things I normally say is "I'm tired" "I want to go home"). She also told me that (I don't remember how she worded it) she was tired to be the one who always have to start conversations, which is not true at all, and that she was bother about how I sometimes get quiet (? Like idk maybe because I'm an introvert and really draid from talking or just being in class lol. The thing is she has always told me that she didn't mind the silence so idk.
This last thing especially bothers me a lot because in reality I could talk for ages about the things I'm passionate about (like my stories + ocs) but whenever I try to say anything related to it I feel like she doesn't give a fuck and that makes me not wanting to talk about it with nobody :)
Right now I feel like the friendship it's not going to last to long and more if you add that in September I will probably move out of my city to another city 3 hours away from here because of university so yeah
Sorry for the long vent to anyone who took the time to read this I'm incapable to sum up things :)Mar 24, 2022
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I've been thinking about this friendship I have for some time now and I really don't know how to feel about it. To give you some context I've been best friends with this girl since we were 3 y/o and since then her and I have been inseparable, we were always together, made group projects together because we were in the same class.
But about two years ago, when we started Bach, a lot of things started to change which tbh I expected because we were in the middle of the pandemic so we had to go to class in different days and we weren't in the same class any more because we took different paths. The problem started when she completely changed the way she was towards me and my other friend which was pretty shocking because while she seemed to completely forgot about us (my friend and I) she was being super good friends with other people she met that year and acting really different. And again, this wouldn't have been a problem for me cus obviously your are going to try to make new friends, mostly if you're someone who doesn't have that many friends (which is both of our cases) but what I feel is a problem is when you forget about your other friendships you have since always to try to fit in with other people and giving no shit about the rest of the world.
The thing is a really believe she doesn't understand how her actions and things she has said have affected me although I called her out on this behavior in the past (not only me but our other friend did it to) and explained to her how I was feeling after some of the things she did, thoughout all our conversation the only thing she did was saying how sorry she was and how she understands me but trying to excuse herself saying how I should also understand her because she just wanted to be friends with the people from her class and all of that.
Until that moment I was really hurt tbh because she was my closest friend and I wasn't really confortable in my class because it takes me a lot of time to be friends with people, but right now I just feel really indiferent and sometimes angry mostly since she told me how I was really pesimist and she didn't like to be every recess around someone who only says negative things because it makes her feel bad (the only negative things I normally say is "I'm tired" "I want to go home"). She also told me that (I don't remember how she worded it) she was tired to be the one who always have to start conversations, which is not true at all, and that she was bother about how I sometimes get quiet (? Like idk maybe because I'm an introvert and really draid from talking or just being in class lol. The thing is she has always told me that she didn't mind the silence so idk.
This last thing especially bothers me a lot because in reality I could talk for ages about the things I'm passionate about (like my stories + ocs) but whenever I try to say anything related to it I feel like she doesn't give a fuck and that makes me not wanting to talk about it with nobody :)
Right now I feel like the friendship it's not going to last to long and more if you add that in September I will probably move out of my city to another city 3 hours away from here because of university so yeah
Sorry for the long vent to anyone who took the time to read this I'm incapable to sum up things :)Mar 24, 2022
#vent
#rant
Comments
I am so sorry you have to go through all this. But just for extra context; do you know if maybe she's stressed/upset/sad/any other negative feeling? I am not trying to defend her because what she did was kinda cruel, but at least you could put yourself in peace knowing why she did it.
I am so sorry if what i said has bothered you in any way
I am so sorry if what i said has bothered you in any way
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β’I've had this happen with pretty much every friendship I've ever had so I'm prolly biased, but it's totally fine to make new friends and it's natural with new things we will sort of hyper focus on that new thing and ignore the old stuff, especially with people who will expose us to new experiences, however when it comes to people there are emotions and by focusing most or all of her attention on new friends it sounds like she is, whether purposefully or not, leaving you behind.
If she can't, or doesn't want to, balance her new friendships with her old ones then I would say you shouldn't hold on to someone that doesn't want to make room for you. Especially if she is using things she was previously okay with as excuses to make herself feel better about what's going on, you have a right to vocalize how her actions are affecting you and if she won't even listen to what you're saying then things won't change. If you were to move away, long distance relationships, even friendships, are only maintained through equal effort on both parties ends.
Some space might do some good of she's just stressed out about stuff but whether you believe she is a good or bad person it's clear her actions are hurting you and if she doesn't want to make it right then you're better off without the stress the situation is causing you. I know it hurts to lose a friend, especially one you've known for a long time, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is let go.
If you need someone to vent to or even want to talk about your OCs I'd love to hear about them, but otherwise take care of yourself
If she can't, or doesn't want to, balance her new friendships with her old ones then I would say you shouldn't hold on to someone that doesn't want to make room for you. Especially if she is using things she was previously okay with as excuses to make herself feel better about what's going on, you have a right to vocalize how her actions are affecting you and if she won't even listen to what you're saying then things won't change. If you were to move away, long distance relationships, even friendships, are only maintained through equal effort on both parties ends.
Some space might do some good of she's just stressed out about stuff but whether you believe she is a good or bad person it's clear her actions are hurting you and if she doesn't want to make it right then you're better off without the stress the situation is causing you. I know it hurts to lose a friend, especially one you've known for a long time, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is let go.
If you need someone to vent to or even want to talk about your OCs I'd love to hear about them, but otherwise take care of yourself
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β’So apparently for me it sounds a bit like she is bit stressed out atm and your relationship was a kind of tireding point (sometimes just happens)
When you told her that you have a problem and she started to excuse herself she started to count every little mistake of you which triggered her once and which could probably be an excuse to be upset sometimes. I donβt wanna offend her but for me it sounds a bit like she isnβt really happy with herself and her other friendships and now tries to find the mistakes on you. She tries to blame you for her unwell-being and now she says things which never bothered her just to have something to blame.
I donβt know if its true and I donβt really know if I can help you in any way with this βdiagnosisβ now but probably you should give you both some time. You sound really upset and probably you should try to let it be for some weeks. Maybe you both need some time and after a while you can talk again and loon if it would work out again. Just try to come down and do not think about her too much! Take care of you :)
When you told her that you have a problem and she started to excuse herself she started to count every little mistake of you which triggered her once and which could probably be an excuse to be upset sometimes. I donβt wanna offend her but for me it sounds a bit like she isnβt really happy with herself and her other friendships and now tries to find the mistakes on you. She tries to blame you for her unwell-being and now she says things which never bothered her just to have something to blame.
I donβt know if its true and I donβt really know if I can help you in any way with this βdiagnosisβ now but probably you should give you both some time. You sound really upset and probably you should try to let it be for some weeks. Maybe you both need some time and after a while you can talk again and loon if it would work out again. Just try to come down and do not think about her too much! Take care of you :)
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