@reedshrine's post on Artfol
What are ya all's experiences with love and relationships?
Like how does smth like that start? I was like I will wait for love to hit me but nowadays I actually think this is the rarest way to get into a relationship or more one that happens when you are younger. It seems much more like just ppl that like each other decide to go into a relationship and fall much later in the process of getting to know each other?
I only expired falling in love/ that super fuzzy high type of love at the very beginning. And after that you really learn to love a person or ways to split again.
So how are your experiences and is it easy for you to love? Can one learn to love lol?
Also when you fall for a friend it's so easy to tell them cause you just love them and never would worry about feeling weird cause of that. But when you are just interested in a person that's so weird to tell one and so much harder cause you don't get that automatism from the high type of love xD I hope smth of this makes sense hahaMar 27, 2024
Like how does smth like that start? I was like I will wait for love to hit me but nowadays I actually think this is the rarest way to get into a relationship or more one that happens when you are younger. It seems much more like just ppl that like each other decide to go into a relationship and fall much later in the process of getting to know each other?
I only expired falling in love/ that super fuzzy high type of love at the very beginning. And after that you really learn to love a person or ways to split again.
So how are your experiences and is it easy for you to love? Can one learn to love lol?
Also when you fall for a friend it's so easy to tell them cause you just love them and never would worry about feeling weird cause of that. But when you are just interested in a person that's so weird to tell one and so much harder cause you don't get that automatism from the high type of love xD I hope smth of this makes sense hahaMar 27, 2024
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When I was a teenager, I dated a girl for one year. It's okay. I got to experience being in a relationship as a young person, figuring things out, who am I, how do I communicate, how to exist with another person, and it wasn't all bad.
I knew that when I'd date again, it'd be with a guy. I always liked many boys from my class and there was a time period when I was open to the thought of liking girls, too.
As a young adult, gay and queer, I had to go to expand my comfort zone by participating in
events again and again and try to find my tribe in bigger cities.
When you do things that are outside of your comfort zone, eventually those become a part of and redefine your comfort zone. It expands.
Travelling to bigger cities, I was looking for fun one night stands and I found them.
Apps, not much luck. Some dates led to nothing in particular and that's fine, I keep going. I posted on a site dedicated to showing and seeing some skin and that's fun for sure. But I didn't want to start a real life relationship with someone "nudes first". I chatted online, called a guy, we agreed to meet, he got cold feet. It's alright. Nothing gained, nothing lost.
I talked about my feelings towards a cool new friend, and they saw me as a friend, and we're still friends. I've had people try to broaden a friendship to something more, and I've let them know how I feel, gracefully.
Once someone I met wanted to do something behind his girlfriend's back, "just between friends". I don't like that dishonesty, so it was a no thank you.
When I organized one of many parties and events in my home town, I found my man, the person I now share my life with, and we've been together in a mono relationship since 2016, almost 8 years now.
When he asked me for a coffee/beer adding that he doesn't have ulterior motives - I was open and honest saying I'd be interested if he did, and if he doesn't, that's alright, it would be fun to meet and chat.
I was 27 when we met and now I'm 34.
I knew that when I'd date again, it'd be with a guy. I always liked many boys from my class and there was a time period when I was open to the thought of liking girls, too.
As a young adult, gay and queer, I had to go to expand my comfort zone by participating in
events again and again and try to find my tribe in bigger cities.When you do things that are outside of your comfort zone, eventually those become a part of and redefine your comfort zone. It expands.
Travelling to bigger cities, I was looking for fun one night stands and I found them.
Apps, not much luck. Some dates led to nothing in particular and that's fine, I keep going. I posted on a site dedicated to showing and seeing some skin and that's fun for sure. But I didn't want to start a real life relationship with someone "nudes first". I chatted online, called a guy, we agreed to meet, he got cold feet. It's alright. Nothing gained, nothing lost.
I talked about my feelings towards a cool new friend, and they saw me as a friend, and we're still friends. I've had people try to broaden a friendship to something more, and I've let them know how I feel, gracefully.
Once someone I met wanted to do something behind his girlfriend's back, "just between friends". I don't like that dishonesty, so it was a no thank you.
When I organized one of many
parties and events in my home town, I found my man, the person I now share my life with, and we've been together in a mono relationship since 2016, almost 8 years now.When he asked me for a coffee/beer adding that he doesn't have ulterior motives - I was open and honest saying I'd be interested if he did, and if he doesn't, that's alright, it would be fun to meet and chat.
I was 27 when we met and now I'm 34.
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•It's really hard for me to fall in love but it's crazy how hard I fell this time around. It's my first relationship and started off with me throwing up on SO's pants at a small house party. So, I was scrubbing away and wringing a pair of pants at like 3am, wondering why he didn't make a big deal out of it. He's my friend's childhood friend so we started hanging out more often and suddenly, we found we were each other's go-to for outings. Despite calling me out so often, he was also worried it would distract me from my studies and when he learned I loved dogs, he started greeting me outside classes with his doggo. I gave him his first flower bouquet, learned his favourites and vice versa. Then, we made things official, which didn't change much except we learned about each other a lot faster. I think I knew how to love but SO was the one to get me started - no one has made me want to do the things I would for him. We didn't like physical touch before but along the way, we'd walk everywhere with hands clasped. There were rough patches but we never disliked each other and I think that's why we're here in the fuzzy phase. It helps when we both value communication, know when to step back and feel safe being vulnerable in the other's presence. The line between friendship love and romantic love was so blurred here that I'd rather not even think it exists or at least, we're best friends in love or something. Ahh turns around, waving to ward off eye rain
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•I fall in love very rarely, but when I do, it happens quite fast. For me it feels like an intense desire to be that person's best friend and to get to know them super well (I'm ace, so I don't feel any physical attraction). I've never felt the "butterflies," I can only fall in love with someone with whom I feel truly comfortable (never someone whose presence makes me feel anxious or nervous) Also, I'm normally too shy to actually do anything about it, but I recently had the courage to ask out a person I was into, and trust me, it felt so incredibly good to be rid of all those ridiculous mind games and to stop trying so hard to "play it cool." Most people are really gentle about it even if they reject you, and of they're not, good riddance. So, I'd say you just go for it and ask people out! You will save time and energy and be able to find the right person faster, in my opinion^^
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I never fell in love. I thought I did once, but I was struggling a lot back then and now I know it wasn't in a romantic way. While I wouldn't consider myself aro (at least not yet?), I did start to realize I'm ace and I get repulsed by sex if it's targeted towards me (plus I'm sort of touch repulsed as well). Sadly, this makes it difficult for me to feel comfortable with romance since so far, all the people I've got to know require sex in a relationship. Not to mention all the aphobia I got hit with.
While I feel perfectly comfortable with being single and never had any partners before, I sometimes do feel like I want someone to just hug and cuddle with and take care of. But I don't feel safe to actually be in a relationship out of fear that I would end up with someone who doesn't understand and accept me the way I am. And even if they did, I just know I would be so anxious and overthink it that they might be lying for my sake or secretly hate me for it. Also, being in a relationship takes time and effort which I don't think I'd be up to since I'm a huge loner who requires a lot of alone time after being drained from work.
And lets not even mention I'm nonbinary, which makes me feel extra unsafe around people.
While I feel perfectly comfortable with being single and never had any partners before, I sometimes do feel like I want someone to just hug and cuddle with and take care of. But I don't feel safe to actually be in a relationship out of fear that I would end up with someone who doesn't understand and accept me the way I am. And even if they did, I just know I would be so anxious and overthink it that they might be lying for my sake or secretly hate me for it. Also, being in a relationship takes time and effort which I don't think I'd be up to since I'm a huge loner who requires a lot of alone time after being drained from work.
And lets not even mention I'm nonbinary, which makes me feel extra unsafe around people.
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I have only had one serious relationship and it made me realize I might be aro. 
What I'm sayin is, I wish I knew more but my status is kind of the epitome of "i cannot relate" :wheeze:
I think people can learn to love. But sometimes the timing is bad, stuff like that. And most adult relationships start one-sided and you gotta try a few dates to see if there's potential for any slow burn. But it shouldn't take more than a couple actual dates to decide. This is just what my friends with experience have said tho
What I'm sayin is, I wish I knew more but my status is kind of the epitome of "i cannot relate" :wheeze:
I think people can learn to love. But sometimes the timing is bad, stuff like that. And most adult relationships start one-sided and you gotta try a few dates to see if there's potential for any slow burn. But it shouldn't take more than a couple actual dates to decide. This is just what my friends with experience have said tho
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When I've fallen in love, it's usually been quick and intense. It doesn't happen often for me, but when it's requited and new, it's always a blissful comfort. Being able to be yourself and let loose. There's something to the excitement of getting to know someone else's thoughts and ideas and have them interested in yours as well. There's a kindness and a softness to it. There's the adage of "finding love when your aren't looking for it" because, i think, it's not something you can make happen. You don't make the choice to fall in love. Your heart does. Which, I know all too well, isn't always mutual. I've wasted time holding a candle for someone who I knew wouldn't return my feelings and I think it's better to let your heart move on rather than wait on the other person, because you could be missing out on that deeper connection with someone your heart hasn't had a chance to know.
But everyone finds love in their own way. It's not a one size fits all, and I think it's easy to overthink when it's really something that is much more simple and honest. I think when you find yourself feeling romantic feelings for someone, its worth the risk to let them know. They might feel the same! And if they don't, you don't have to spend time pining and can let yourself move on. Easier said then done, for sure. Idk if that helps but my take!
But everyone finds love in their own way. It's not a one size fits all, and I think it's easy to overthink when it's really something that is much more simple and honest. I think when you find yourself feeling romantic feelings for someone, its worth the risk to let them know. They might feel the same! And if they don't, you don't have to spend time pining and can let yourself move on. Easier said then done, for sure. Idk if that helps but my take!
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•Your pfp is perfect for the question lol. Here’s a scenario that might help.
You have a job, you’re in school, or you’re around the same group of people a lot. You have one or two people you can have fun with (or maybe a group), and small conversations turn into a close friendship with one or two of them.
Eventually something happens in the group or to that person that grabs your attention. Maybe someone smiles at you, complements you, or you’re just hanging out with them and you can’t get that moment off your mind. It sticks with you for a little bit.
You’ll start to instinctively spend more time around them. And at this point, you don’t even realize that you have feelings for them, but that person is now a little more special than everyone else.
Maybe the person will randomly enter your thoughts throughout the day, and you find yourself looking at them without knowing. Butterflies are in your stomach when you’re caught staring. And maybe if you’re lucky, they start staring back.
This stage could go on forever
. Usually it takes a catalyst to push past this point. Like someone in the group mentioning the feelings that are obviously in the air—which makes you embarrassed to talk about (and you might even strongly deny the allegations, but your blush makes it unconvincing.)
You’ll ask them to hangout or do things with them to see them more, if you have the courage
. And this will really show the other person’s feelings. It might be great from here on out; y’all will be giggling with each other; maybe a little flirty at this point; the time y’all spend together could go on forever.
Something will happen—a moment where the two of you are very close—something special where it’s just you and them—and
… that’s how you and I were born lol. Lotta different roads the scenario can go from here. BUT! Long story short: it’s gotta be something both people feel. Usually one person feels it first, and the other will notice after awhile. But start as friends.
You have a job, you’re in school, or you’re around the same group of people a lot. You have one or two people you can have fun with (or maybe a group), and small conversations turn into a close friendship with one or two of them.
Eventually something happens in the group or to that person that grabs your attention. Maybe someone smiles at you, complements you, or you’re just hanging out with them and you can’t get that moment off your mind. It sticks with you for a little bit.
You’ll start to instinctively spend more time around them. And at this point, you don’t even realize that you have feelings for them, but that person is now a little more special than everyone else.
Maybe the person will randomly enter your thoughts throughout the day, and you find yourself looking at them without knowing. Butterflies are in your stomach when you’re caught staring. And maybe if you’re lucky, they start staring back.
This stage could go on forever
. Usually it takes a catalyst to push past this point. Like someone in the group mentioning the feelings that are obviously in the air—which makes you embarrassed to talk about (and you might even strongly deny the allegations, but your blush makes it unconvincing.)You’ll ask them to hangout or do things with them to see them more, if you have the courage
. And this will really show the other person’s feelings. It might be great from here on out; y’all will be giggling with each other; maybe a little flirty at this point; the time y’all spend together could go on forever. Something will happen—a moment where the two of you are very close—something special where it’s just you and them—and
… that’s how you and I were born lol. Lotta different roads the scenario can go from here. BUT! Long story short: it’s gotta be something both people feel. Usually one person feels it first, and the other will notice after awhile. But start as friends.•
The relationships I've had/have, both romanticly and non-romanticly, became something bc I activly sought them out. Which is kinda weird, bc I'm not that outgoing + other things. And honestly I'm unsure how love feels, but I think for me it's connected to comfortable/secure. Crushes had happened, but that's something else I think. It's not easy for me to love, but ye maybe one can learn it xD
All of your existensial questions often have me staring out in the air, thinking of five things at the same time xD
All of your existensial questions often have me staring out in the air, thinking of five things at the same time xD
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•Can’t say much, I’ve only been in two relationships, but honestly the best way to go about it is just being friends who are very open with eachother. It doesn’t need to be this big process, like in the media, it can just be because you’re really comfortable with this other person. It’s really about how well you “vibe” with the other person, not whether you’re “madly in love” with them or not
People might not like this, but love is a choice. (Not sexuality) You choose someone to love when it feels right? Idk. Just my thoughts.
People might not like this, but love is a choice. (Not sexuality) You choose someone to love when it feels right? Idk. Just my thoughts.
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