@inastaria's post on Artfol
gal (28) Hi! I ask a favor from any readers out there 
I have finished a pretty good draft of chapter one for my story Unbroken Pieces!
I really need someone to read it and give me theirvibes
I've read this too many times and I can't tell what is real anymore
(fantasy romance is the best genre I can assign)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SRbyrKHzqrdPb7T8RBmdqwdG9IMaDib-eJhY2-EFXw8/edit?usp=drivesdk
It is 13 Google docs pages, 5,725 wordsalso it's formatted! (and pink font because that's how I write and I like it)Apr 20, 2023
I have finished a pretty good draft of chapter one for my story Unbroken Pieces!
I really need someone to read it and give me their
I've read this too many times and I can't tell what is real anymore
(fantasy romance is the best genre I can assign)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SRbyrKHzqrdPb7T8RBmdqwdG9IMaDib-eJhY2-EFXw8/edit?usp=drivesdk
It is 13 Google docs pages, 5,725 words
also it's formatted! (and pink font because that's how I write and I like it)Apr 20, 2023#betareading
#reading
#help
Comments
I've only read it halfway since it's past my sleeping time and I accidentally edited the document by adding an o. I've erased it though.
My overall thoughts aren't negative but as someone who has beta read before, I want to be as constructive as possible.
In the beginning, there's a string of dialogue but there isn't a hint of where the voices are coming from or who they belong to. Even if you don't want to write the speaker's name, it would have helped ground the reader to describe where the voices came from.
On the issue of description, I personally felt there could be more description about the environment including the layout of the rooms. You don't have to write separate sentences since the characters are moving from room to room. Weaving the room descriptions with their actions should work.
For example when Daes took the leaves for the tea, that was a chance to describe where the plant was placed. Was it in a tiny pot that hung on the window sill? Was it a pot of plant on his balcony? How was the staircase? Was it narrow? Curved?
Also, I feel some of the adjectives could be removed. The dialogue and actions were carrying their weight.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh. This critique is only about the prose. I didn't have a fault with your characters and I especially liked that the dude was short and calm natured.
My overall thoughts aren't negative but as someone who has beta read before, I want to be as constructive as possible.
In the beginning, there's a string of dialogue but there isn't a hint of where the voices are coming from or who they belong to. Even if you don't want to write the speaker's name, it would have helped ground the reader to describe where the voices came from.
On the issue of description, I personally felt there could be more description about the environment including the layout of the rooms. You don't have to write separate sentences since the characters are moving from room to room. Weaving the room descriptions with their actions should work.
For example when Daes took the leaves for the tea, that was a chance to describe where the plant was placed. Was it in a tiny pot that hung on the window sill? Was it a pot of plant on his balcony? How was the staircase? Was it narrow? Curved?
Also, I feel some of the adjectives could be removed. The dialogue and actions were carrying their weight.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh. This critique is only about the prose. I didn't have a fault with your characters and I especially liked that the dude was short and calm natured.
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•It's pretty decent but there are somethings I didn't understand and some mistakes aside from that I think it was nice :)
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