@ryantuk's post on Artfol
I do art of my OCs 
Hey, hope you don't mind my vent ;; gets a bit too personal, if you are not feeling good maybe is better to not read this.
I've been bottling up so many emotions the past few days, I don't know where to start or what is making me feel the most upset today, maybe is the lil worm in my head telling me that what I do is not good enough, or the pressure I'm starting to feel now that my arm is getting better, to do better to do more, to compensate for those 2 years I lacked the ability, i know I shouldn't be like this but the thought is intrusive, or maybe is the feeling I get when I don't know what I'm doing or if it's worth it, is what I'm doing getting somewhere? What am I sacrificing? but at the same I wonder if I don't do this then what else would I do? Maybe is the stress at home, the problems with my family and the tension always lingering even tho things seem calm, at home the only way I can feel peace is when I shut inside myself, at peace only exist when I can create, something that is not real, but at least gives me happiness. I plan on moving, I'm saving for it, even tho I feel guilty, am I an egoist person? For leaving the problems behind, to others to deal with alone? When those problems is something I have no control of, and all my life, there was never nothing I could do to make those dissapear, when all my life I had to suffer them without having a say in it. Maybe it's egoist of me if I want to be away from it... But I really want to know how is it to live a life without all the screams. I've always been very passive in my home, it's the only way to not wake up that... So everything can be calm. It's weird to write all these or even share these to someone, it's kind of embarrassing in a way, not sure why, maybe it's something I was teached when I was little, to not share anything with anyone, alll these is pretty vague tho... I cannot bring myself to talk about stuff like this in detail, not even with my friends, tho my closest friends know some vague thing too.
A few weeks ago my father told me that the money I give is not enough, that I should be giving more for what they are giving to me, food, a room...maybe it really is not enough but I also want to save for me and my future... Due to my years injured I couldn't work properly and that was a big kick to my savings, when I got to be a legal adult at 18 I never asked them for anything more than my studies... Everything I got here around me is because I worked for it... And just because that one day I told him I couldn't buy a something for the house, he told me I was being egoist, and compared me, I didn't replied to him, maybe he was right maybe I was being egoist, maybe I am, I thought it was too pricy and would go out of my budget, but after he said that I just couldn't say anything cause it hurt too much, it still hurts, cause before that I really thought what I was doing something he appreciated... He just kept telling me how I don't do enough for them, that what Ive had given its nothing...
Well... Anyway, this was really long and putting this out here where nobody I know in real life can see it makes me feel a bit more free of baggage, sorry for this vent I know it's not something pleasing, but thank you for reading, for taking the time, I appreciate that. Maybe everything is a bit messy I'm not very sure if what I wrote makes some sense, hope it doesMar 31, 2022
I've been bottling up so many emotions the past few days, I don't know where to start or what is making me feel the most upset today, maybe is the lil worm in my head telling me that what I do is not good enough, or the pressure I'm starting to feel now that my arm is getting better, to do better to do more, to compensate for those 2 years I lacked the ability, i know I shouldn't be like this but the thought is intrusive, or maybe is the feeling I get when I don't know what I'm doing or if it's worth it, is what I'm doing getting somewhere? What am I sacrificing? but at the same I wonder if I don't do this then what else would I do? Maybe is the stress at home, the problems with my family and the tension always lingering even tho things seem calm, at home the only way I can feel peace is when I shut inside myself, at peace only exist when I can create, something that is not real, but at least gives me happiness. I plan on moving, I'm saving for it, even tho I feel guilty, am I an egoist person? For leaving the problems behind, to others to deal with alone? When those problems is something I have no control of, and all my life, there was never nothing I could do to make those dissapear, when all my life I had to suffer them without having a say in it. Maybe it's egoist of me if I want to be away from it... But I really want to know how is it to live a life without all the screams. I've always been very passive in my home, it's the only way to not wake up that... So everything can be calm. It's weird to write all these or even share these to someone, it's kind of embarrassing in a way, not sure why, maybe it's something I was teached when I was little, to not share anything with anyone, alll these is pretty vague tho... I cannot bring myself to talk about stuff like this in detail, not even with my friends, tho my closest friends know some vague thing too.
A few weeks ago my father told me that the money I give is not enough, that I should be giving more for what they are giving to me, food, a room...maybe it really is not enough but I also want to save for me and my future... Due to my years injured I couldn't work properly and that was a big kick to my savings, when I got to be a legal adult at 18 I never asked them for anything more than my studies... Everything I got here around me is because I worked for it... And just because that one day I told him I couldn't buy a something for the house, he told me I was being egoist, and compared me, I didn't replied to him, maybe he was right maybe I was being egoist, maybe I am, I thought it was too pricy and would go out of my budget, but after he said that I just couldn't say anything cause it hurt too much, it still hurts, cause before that I really thought what I was doing something he appreciated... He just kept telling me how I don't do enough for them, that what Ive had given its nothing...
Well... Anyway, this was really long and putting this out here where nobody I know in real life can see it makes me feel a bit more free of baggage, sorry for this vent I know it's not something pleasing, but thank you for reading, for taking the time, I appreciate that. Maybe everything is a bit messy I'm not very sure if what I wrote makes some sense, hope it doesMar 31, 2022
Comments
There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing your own needs, especially when you’re in a situation where you have family that are trying to make you feel selfish. People like that only want to prey on your kindness by tricking you into thinking you owe them something but you don’t, even if they are your parent. No one should be trying to guilt trip you into giving them money, even if it is “for the household”. It sounds to me that you’re extremely stressed out and anxious (something I know very well and have been living with that feeling for a long time now), please look after yourself first. You deserve nice things, you deserve to treat yourself to things and experiences that make you happy. No parent should be hassling their child for more money, you didn’t ask to exist and they should have made plans for their own future that doesn’t rely on asking you for cash regularly. Not saying that parents can’t ask for help financially but if they guilt trip you into doing it, if anyone tries to guilt trip you into giving them anything, they do not respect you and if they don’t respect you then you have every right to tell them ‘no’
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•i really hope you feel better soon! as the others said, it's not egoist or selfish to wanting to live a safe life. usually we need to put ourselves first to even help others, even tho it can be really hard.
and good luck with saving money! moving away from abusive environment was the best thing i have ever done to myself. i felt really guilty about first, but after a while, i settled down and understood that i was finally safe. and it really was worth it!!
sending lots of good energy to you
and good luck with saving money! moving away from abusive environment was the best thing i have ever done to myself. i felt really guilty about first, but after a while, i settled down and understood that i was finally safe. and it really was worth it!!
sending lots of good energy to you
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•Thinking about yourself in first place is not egoistic, cuz it seems like in those moments, if you didn't think of yourself there it eould be wrong. You cannot always think of others first, you ruin your own life with that too.
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•you are not egoistic just because you want to think about and care for yourself first. you dont owe your parents shit. they had you, you are their responsibility, the need to provide. not the other way around. food and shelter doesn't mean shit, if they didn't provide that it's child neglect and illegal. it's good to think about getting out, that environment sounds toxic and if you really want to help, you need a new perspective first. you can't help from a place where you need to help yourself first.
I can't say anything about your self doubt because same. but as someone who is still escaping a toxic household i can tell you that you are valid and everything that is put on you is not your responsibility to take. take care of yourself first ~
I can't say anything about your self doubt because same. but as someone who is still escaping a toxic household i can tell you that you are valid and everything that is put on you is not your responsibility to take. take care of yourself first ~
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•I can relate, I was in the same situation minus injury, didn't see a way out and was basically told I'm a burden all day long.
It was the best feeling when I was able to finally move out and leave it all behind. Sure, it sucked and was hard, but the freedom from all this pressure and baggage? Hard to describe, but it's amazing.
Maybe you can't move out now, and maybe it will take more time than you wanna spend there, but will be able to leave eventually. Hang in there!
It was the best feeling when I was able to finally move out and leave it all behind. Sure, it sucked and was hard, but the freedom from all this pressure and baggage? Hard to describe, but it's amazing.
Maybe you can't move out now, and maybe it will take more time than you wanna spend there, but will be able to leave eventually. Hang in there!
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•ur not egoist for wanting to live!!? ur not egoist for being human and wanting to separate yourself from that environment, you deserve to be in a space where you feel safe and loved
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•you’re definitely not selfish for wanting to move, it’s not selfish to want to be happy. and I know I’m a random person on the internet but I’m proud of you, for continuing to work and save and push through despite your current situation. I hope that you’ll feel better soon
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•(Sorry- your legal guardian, as in the person who is meant to take care of you and support you through thick and thin- is telling YOU that YOU’RE not doing enough for THEM? Nah man, that’s not right. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything for anyone. You should be able to live your life comfortably, and the problems you need to face don’t need to be solved all at once, and they don’t need to be solved alone. Your parents are obligated to raise you. You’re not obligated to please them. I hope things get better for you my guy. Have a great rest of your day.)
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•Hi I don’t really know a lot about your situation but I can relate to having to stay quiet and bottling things up, I really don’t think your doing anything wrong by getting out of there it’s not your responsibility to deal with your families dynamic
Hope things get for you
Hope things get for you
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