@hairymoths's post on Artfol
•esp-eng•
>2005<
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It's so frustrating being advised by people who are capable of forgiving themselves, because they will never understand i NEED to keep being this way, and i also NEED to change, and those two pieces keep colliding against the other and it fucking hurts because it happens every day. And they will tell you it's worth it, and that you should just do it, but there will always be something inside me making sure i never change, and people are not willing to understand or help, and i don't know if it's the part of me that wants to harm me or the one that wants others to be safe that keeps everyone away, i don't know if i do it to not harm them w my shit or if it's just an excuse to keep fucking myself up, also i never know when should i reach out. I recently learned a bunch of things i apparently kept blurring from my childhood memories, and everything makes sense, but sense wont fix shit, im still the same, i just now know i do have problems and they have names and there's solutions but the day i decide to change is followed by a week of self harm and i don't understand how can other people live without this, and i dont think i could ever understand how myself could ever live without it.Apr 3, 2023
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It's so frustrating being advised by people who are capable of forgiving themselves, because they will never understand i NEED to keep being this way, and i also NEED to change, and those two pieces keep colliding against the other and it fucking hurts because it happens every day. And they will tell you it's worth it, and that you should just do it, but there will always be something inside me making sure i never change, and people are not willing to understand or help, and i don't know if it's the part of me that wants to harm me or the one that wants others to be safe that keeps everyone away, i don't know if i do it to not harm them w my shit or if it's just an excuse to keep fucking myself up, also i never know when should i reach out. I recently learned a bunch of things i apparently kept blurring from my childhood memories, and everything makes sense, but sense wont fix shit, im still the same, i just now know i do have problems and they have names and there's solutions but the day i decide to change is followed by a week of self harm and i don't understand how can other people live without this, and i dont think i could ever understand how myself could ever live without it.Apr 3, 2023
#tw
#vent
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