@starrmoth's post on Artfol
does anyone have any tips to be more confident/talk to people easier? I’m having a hard time 
Jul 5, 2023
Jul 5, 2023#question
Comments
Sometimes the pressure of having to make a good impression, can put you off. This might seem like unusual advice, but maybe watch how a standup comedian moves on from a joke that doesn’t hit 
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I feel like some more context would help everyone answer your question more accurately. Someone once said that if you ask vague questions, expect vague answers. ... Don't ask me who though. I just picked that up somewhere... >_>;;
My vague answer would be to "just talk" and see what happens. One possible reason why you struggle is because you preoccupy yourself by trying to game plan the conversation in your head. As for myself, I am at a point where I no longer am worried about my own sociality. I am a quiet person, and that's ok. I know that when something needs to be said, I will say it...but as an adult, most of my life consists of me wanting to rest after a day at work...not go hang out with other people. Call me antisocial, but it works for me. I have family that I am around a lot, so if I want to socialize, I know there are people around to talk to. I also have grown pretty attached to my coworkers. Been working with a lot of them for 10 years, so they kind of make me do more talking than I would like to with our typical day to day shenanigans.
I guess in saying all that extra stuff...what exactly is the issue for you? Or the worry rather? But that is again, is something that can't be answered without removing the vagueness.
My vague answer would be to "just talk" and see what happens. One possible reason why you struggle is because you preoccupy yourself by trying to game plan the conversation in your head. As for myself, I am at a point where I no longer am worried about my own sociality. I am a quiet person, and that's ok. I know that when something needs to be said, I will say it...but as an adult, most of my life consists of me wanting to rest after a day at work...not go hang out with other people. Call me antisocial, but it works for me. I have family that I am around a lot, so if I want to socialize, I know there are people around to talk to. I also have grown pretty attached to my coworkers. Been working with a lot of them for 10 years, so they kind of make me do more talking than I would like to with our typical day to day shenanigans.
I guess in saying all that extra stuff...what exactly is the issue for you? Or the worry rather? But that is again, is something that can't be answered without removing the vagueness.
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For irl or online? I don't know how to talk to ppl irl but I can say how I approach ppl online.
I am very assertive and bossy. I find that it's easier to make friends online if I make all the decisions bc ppl online tend to be very passive for some reason and if we're both passive, nothing will ever happen. So I tend to take the lead. I steer the conversations, I make all the plans. This has greatly helped me in being able to just come up to someone online and say basically anything.
I am very assertive and bossy. I find that it's easier to make friends online if I make all the decisions bc ppl online tend to be very passive for some reason and if we're both passive, nothing will ever happen. So I tend to take the lead. I steer the conversations, I make all the plans. This has greatly helped me in being able to just come up to someone online and say basically anything.
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•Almost two years ago I met a girl on my university campus at an event, she just went "hey are you alone here? Me too, can I sit with you?" And we talked for a while. I told her how cool it was that she just came up to me like that, and that I could never do it. She told me it takes practice, and that from her experience most people react positively to her talking to them too. And if they don't, she just leaves them alone again. She kinda inspired me to be more open and talk to other people. In my opinion a good way to practice is to give random people compliments. I've told two people on the train I like the pins on their backpacks, made a friend by complimenting her pink hair, and had a short conversation with a girl who was reading the same book I was reading at the time. It gets easier the more you do it.
As for talking to people you already kinda know, I sometimes just fake it till I make it. I always admire it when people are super chill and open when they talk to new people, so I just started pretending to be confident and at some point it became reality. And whenever I want someone to be an actual friend rather than just acquaintance or classmate, I try to find common interests. I became friends with literally all of my current friends that I know from high school because of fandoms - Gravity Falls, Hamilton, Voltron. But it can also be something like a hobby instead.
Good luck! You got this!
As for talking to people you already kinda know, I sometimes just fake it till I make it. I always admire it when people are super chill and open when they talk to new people, so I just started pretending to be confident and at some point it became reality. And whenever I want someone to be an actual friend rather than just acquaintance or classmate, I try to find common interests. I became friends with literally all of my current friends that I know from high school because of fandoms - Gravity Falls, Hamilton, Voltron. But it can also be something like a hobby instead.
Good luck! You got this!
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People are rarely bothered by strangers addressing to them, except in cases where they are in a hurry, they are already busy with something and don't want to stop, or when the stranger wants something specific they don't want to give. When starting a conversation, begin with short questions or comments that can be answered quickly, and then if the other person answers the minimal required and doesn't ask/comment back, they are showing they don't want to keep talking. If the person wants talk, especially in a social situation where there is plenty of time, usually people are happy to talk about things they like, and even if you don't like the same things, you can say you're curious to know why they like that.
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I became a barista at a shop where the whole theme is that the baristas chat you up for as long as it takes for your order to come out. I'm still super awkward but it's easier to talk to people for me now
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If you have social anxiety, I won't be able to help but my general advice from experience is to simply talk more. It took a while but the more I spoke to people of all ages and walks of life, I got less intimidated. It's hard to keep in my mind that everyone else is a human like me but I try. We may disagree yet getting my word in is enough. Personally, I found it helpful to have 'fake' conversations (start with one topic and keep it going as long as possible, then drop it when either of us got exhausted or they gave a cue to end) with people I know well and am comfortable with, then acquaintances, then new people. I still struggle with presenting to large crowds so I've been volunteering for outreach programs but of course, that's more effort than I'd expect you to exert. Bottom line is to practice. What dotyisa_nerd says is also a part of that and makes things easier
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talking to people scares me fr but ive found that imitating or mimicking the mannerisms of extroverted family/friends helps alot when breaking the ice
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Find common interests. I struggle with talking to people I don’t know well but I find we have a common interest we can talk about it makes things much easier. I also find it a lot easier to talk to people online rather than in person.
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