@ril's post on Artfol
It has now official been a year since the venting of negativity has begun. What has changed, do I even have to ask anymore?
The cycle is still there, my thoughts have gotten worse and worse, and I am tempted sometimes to get physical revenge on my brain for fucking me over mentally all the time with shit like this. I took a longer break than usual, and a positive period came back; but that went down the drain very quickly just like the one in February. Art breaks are essentially pointless because you’re gonna flatline eventually and the negative thoughts are back. It’s really confusing to me how anyone, ANYONE can learn to draw so fast and smoothly without wanting to go GOLDEN RULE ON THEIR OWN BRAIN AND BEING IN A STATE LIKE THIS FOR OVER A YEAR. LIKE DID YOU GUYS SELL YOUR SOULS OR SOMETHING? I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID OR AM DOING WRONG IN THE PAST OR NOW THAT DEVELOPED INTO A COMMON HABIT AND LED TO THIS. I went as far as to say me being a Gifted kid in school in the past kinda messed up my mindset and kinda bled into other things slowly.
I’m just repeating myself at this point, I have nowhere else to go. I’m still stuck on basic anatomy, haven’t touched shit like backgrounds, shading, perspective, not even clothes, that’s how bad it has gotten. And I can’t seek a therapist or a professional for the time being because I’ll have to get through my dad who might lecture me with gender demographic card if I tell him one of my inspirations is magical girl and idol anime. So this is all the best I can do, vent online and by myself. People are gonna say “Oh but just draw”. Well shit Mr/s Narrow how can I draw if it’s just gonna keep fighting myself even more and make the thoughts worse. I’ve come to realize that because I have Asperger’s Syndrome I am heavily-dominated in my left brain compared to my right, so it’s really hard to just draw without getting all critical thinking and letting every mistake slide. I’m sorry but I don’t want my drawings looking like they were done in MS Paint but still not too perfect.
I’m getting sidetracked, I’ll stop hereSep 2, 2022
The cycle is still there, my thoughts have gotten worse and worse, and I am tempted sometimes to get physical revenge on my brain for fucking me over mentally all the time with shit like this. I took a longer break than usual, and a positive period came back; but that went down the drain very quickly just like the one in February. Art breaks are essentially pointless because you’re gonna flatline eventually and the negative thoughts are back. It’s really confusing to me how anyone, ANYONE can learn to draw so fast and smoothly without wanting to go GOLDEN RULE ON THEIR OWN BRAIN AND BEING IN A STATE LIKE THIS FOR OVER A YEAR. LIKE DID YOU GUYS SELL YOUR SOULS OR SOMETHING? I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID OR AM DOING WRONG IN THE PAST OR NOW THAT DEVELOPED INTO A COMMON HABIT AND LED TO THIS. I went as far as to say me being a Gifted kid in school in the past kinda messed up my mindset and kinda bled into other things slowly.
I’m just repeating myself at this point, I have nowhere else to go. I’m still stuck on basic anatomy, haven’t touched shit like backgrounds, shading, perspective, not even clothes, that’s how bad it has gotten. And I can’t seek a therapist or a professional for the time being because I’ll have to get through my dad who might lecture me with gender demographic card if I tell him one of my inspirations is magical girl and idol anime. So this is all the best I can do, vent online and by myself. People are gonna say “Oh but just draw”. Well shit Mr/s Narrow how can I draw if it’s just gonna keep fighting myself even more and make the thoughts worse. I’ve come to realize that because I have Asperger’s Syndrome I am heavily-dominated in my left brain compared to my right, so it’s really hard to just draw without getting all critical thinking and letting every mistake slide. I’m sorry but I don’t want my drawings looking like they were done in MS Paint but still not too perfect.
I’m getting sidetracked, I’ll stop hereSep 2, 2022
#art
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