Medical vent art
Maybe it will help
This is an older comic page I never thought I'd share-However, recently I've been struggling quite a lot and figured I need to talk SOMEWHERE so...here's a vent about me and the latest medical happenings of my life.
(TW: depressing talk about chronic disease and medication)
Since 2016 I've had multiple sclerosis now. For those who don't know, it's basically a disease damaging or destroying the nerves of my brain and spinal cord (= central nervous system). This causes communication problems between my brain and the rest of my body. This can lead to a wide variety of things happening, for me it's mostly my eyes getting worse or every activity I do appearing more clumsy as I run into corners or drop a mug. Sometimes I get partially paralysed or parts just feel numb. I struggle to balance as I'm walking. I'm beyond forgetful. There's a lot of pain caused by the disease. Sometimes MS shows in mental stuff as well like depression and mood swings-
If you're interested, you might as well read up on the symptoms somewhere on the Internet because there's a huge list of things damaged nerves can or can't do (stiffness, shaking, numbness,... all that stuff).
There's no cure for it. Some people have very intense and aggressive MS forcing them straight into a wheelchair in just 2 years, others have one flare up and then it never shows up again. MS is very moody.
However, there are meds to limit the damage done.
I've been through a variety of meds. White pills, green pills,weekly injections, white pills again. They all worked....for a while... until I was told my MS is acting up again and we have to try something new. So far this was pretty chill but now, after almost 4 years of taking the same pills, I was told to change my medication again as the old one stopped working.
And this new medication got me scared. Very scared.
Next Monday I'll get it the first time. It's the most aggressive medication currently on the market. It's pretty new and there's very little known about the side effects. That's scary in itself but what scared me the most is the big fat "maybe" there usually. It "Might" help. There "Usually" aren't side effects. But there never is a promise and that fucks me up...
Since it is the strongest medication, there's no alternative. I "should" take it well. And it "should" make things better. There's "a high chance" of it improving my symptoms. But I keep wondering what happens if it doesn't....
Being a patient having a chronic disease so little is known about is a terrifying experience. If the meds, which are new and haven't even been around in Europe all that long, don't work, what will happen? Will I have to quit meds and let the disease run free? Will my nerves ultimately eat themselves up and be ruined? Will I be blind? (There's a high chance for this to happen one day anyway but I'm not planning for this to happen so soon...)
I don't know.
Generally, I feel like a lab rat doctors are trying their stuff out on...
And as I sat there, feeling like an experiment, they even asked if that's okay with me.
Is WHAT okay with me. The new meds? Having that disease? Living in uncertainty? I don't know. And I hate not knowing.
I will know more by Monday night but until then- and probably after that still- my thoughts will haunt me. And I feel weak and helpless and stupid having to face all of that-
Is there a satisfying end to this vent? A greater lesson to be learned? I don't know...
Maybe
Aug 16, 2023
Comments
Chronic diseases change life so drastically - it's not really something the standard person would fully understand. I'm proud of you for pushing through all of it - I can't imagine the toll it must have on you.
I'm hoping for the best with your meds! Hopefully your symptoms go back down again
I'm hoping for the best with your meds! Hopefully your symptoms go back down again
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Sending you well wishes and all of my love. I suffer with a few chronic illnesses, nowhere near as impactful as MS, but my heart goes out to you. If you ever want to talk, my dms are open. 
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